The beauty of living and dying-remembering Patricia Petras

Reflections on the homegoing of Patricia Marie Petras...October 26, 2007
I can still remember like it was yesterday getting the news that my mother-in-law's battle with acute myleod leukemia and MDS (a cancer in the blood) was almost over. The doctor called from Cleveland Clinic and in no uncertain terms said "if you want to be with her before she passes away, the time to come is now." We had heard similar words about six weeks prior, or so we thought, when Pat was getting fresh platelets every five hours through her IV port. That was a false alarm, perhaps this would be too? Cancer is that kind of emotional roller coaster.

For the next four days, I was doing laundry because Pat wanted to be assured that Bill had "some clean underwear", helping Pat with the most basic of needs, and greeting the steady stream of family and friends coming to say goodbye, while attempting to keep my kids from feeling utterly neglected in the process. The most beautiful and powerful of life's experiences are its beginning and its end. We watched Pat go from a lively and feisty body of energy to a helpless and pale woman taking her last breaths. This is still strange to me, but as gruesome as death can be, it is one of the unbelievable miracles of beauty. I sensed the peace of God as we sang and read scriptures over her as she lay unconscious. Then, when she woke up one last time at 4:45am, Mark and I were at once overjoyed and deeply grieved to tell her to "take the hand of Jesus and go home." It still brings me to tears and laughter at the same time.

Only five months prior God gave us his gift of Micah Nathan through a drug-free VBAC. I had a cesarean with Anna due to her breach position. I wanted so badly to have her naturally, and God did not allow it, but when he did with Micah, the joy was more than we could have imagined. Mark stood in awe as I worked with all my might to get Micah into this world. He coached me to trust in Jesus and to make it through the next contraction. While we waited for Mark's mom to die, with anticipation and angst, we had also waited for Micah to live here with us with anxiety and hope. And we still hope, for the resurrection, the new life, when we will be reunited with Mom Petras. She is dancing and singing and probably playing bingo in Heaven, getting to know her Savior, having forgotten this place, thank the Lord.

We miss you, Pat, but we are so grateful for what you taught us in living and in dying.